Torah: The Sweetest of the Sweet

Many times a belief system, moral code or religion can be a source of direction, meaning, purpose and truth. Often though, these beliefs and religious commitments can  paradoxically quickly become a burden which one finds oneself obliged to carry. Almost without warning one can begin to feel stuck by the reality of the decisions, commitments and beliefs that one has chosen wholeheartedly to embrace. The word paradox is fitting because one reality doesn't negate or make any less true the other. A person can continue to feel inspired, driven and deeply committed to a set of beliefs or religious doctrines and simultaneously feel frustrated, overwhelmed and trapped by the difficulties and demands that their choices and beliefs have brought them.

I remember in Yeshiva my friends and I powerfully coming face to face with this dichotomy.On one level we knew, our very souls knew, that we were involved in one of the most special and meaningful endeavors possible.We were studying Torah, learning deep secrets about G-d, purpose, creation and the cosmos. We knew, believed and were constantly told, that every word of Torah we learnt, every Mitzva we did, every word of prayer that we uttered  was changing our lives and the destiny of the world forever. Our spiritual high and dedication many times though came crashing into the difficulties of each of our daily lives and schedules. Studying many hours each day, dealing with  lack of love and acceptance by authority and strict rules created a dynamic of struggle. We struggled with our conscience, what we knew to be true, and the reality of the difficulty to carry through with it each day.

How does one deal with such a  issue? Does stepping up to a higher moral and spiritual life have to come with a lot of difficulty and pressure? Does getting involved with projects or religious commitments to deepen our lives have to include at some point struggling with the burden of those commitments and beliefs?

However idealistic or clichéd it might be, I believe the answer is NO, on some level we can embrace real religious commitments and only experience their beauty. My inspiration comes from the deep and holy words of  R' Shlomo Carlebach  "Any time you hear something from Torah and it does not sound sweet, you didn't hear true Torah. If someone tells you a Halacha and it sounds like a burden, if it feels heavy, it is because they didn't explain the Halacha correctly. Torah by definition is the sweetest of the sweet"

If one is serving Hashem and the predominant feeling is struggle in the place of bliss, something is wrong. Slow down, maybe go back and try to see if you approached your service of Hashem with unhealthy preconceptions. Did you maybe take on too much at once? Did you not leave space in your life for healing, physical nourishment or enjoyment? If there is too much struggle it is because there needs to be healing in how you relate to the demands of  Hashem. When our relationship to Hashem is healthy, that relationship should only bring us light. We should not feel caught in a paradox, and boxed in between our beliefs and the reality of our life and life's issues. Hashem is big enough to let us slowly approach him. Slowly place each foot forward (and sometimes back) when it feels right and sweet, without any pain, regrets or trauma.

Torah is much more than a obligation which we must push ourselves to fulfill because of our commitment to Hashem, or a obligation which  we must carry out. The words "Obligation" and "have to" are not sweet, they do not bring light into my life. Torah is there to help enlighten our own process, to help us understand how we relate to our world, our G-d, our destiny and every minute of our day. When we connect inwards, and look for a way to access the divine, express our true selves and reach our potential, Torah and Mitvot are there to help us. Torah is not coming from the outside to "tell us what to do." Torah is just a beauty which we can be privileged to digest and enlighten our life experience with. Torah is an inside-out experience, not an outside-in obligation.  From this context Torah is not a burden at all. Torah is a gift to bring happiness, depth and light into our lives.

The point here is not that connection to Torah/G-d doesn't have hardships or challenges. The idea is that if approached correctly Torah can predominantly feel sweet. If approached correctly Torah should not have to feel like a responsibility which unfortunately needs to be dealt and reckoned with due to ones Jewish conscience and sensibilities. Torah and Mitzvoet can feel like presents because by experiencing them we experience ourselves, we are not studying "outside" information like when studying for a spelling-bee or filling out a legal form which can be burdensome and tiring. We are being given the opportunity to experience and express who we are. Torah for a Jew is like dance for a dancer, notes for a musician or canvas for a painter, now, what is sweeter or more satisfying than that?   


 Granted that in our relationship with G-d, like in every healthy relationship, there could be times when we don't feel "inspired" or particularly feel the importance or meaning of doing Mitzvot at all. At those times Torah will not feel like the sweetest of the sweet but more like a bunch of restricting rote rules and practices. At such a juncture, one ( if one wishes to continue their relationship with Torah/G-d ) will have to subtly re-find for oneself  the importance and beauty of Torah in their life, anew.

If Torah feels heavy do not continue living with that heaviness, do not continue living with the pain of the paradoxical existence of commitment versus your reality. Take a step back and slowly re-approach your commitment to G-d and Torah. Re-approach Torah with the understanding and hope and expectation that you can reach a place where your connection to Torah feels like the sweetest of the sweet. Believe that we all can reach a place where we deeply feel that our connection to Torah is just a extension of who we are, not burdensome at all!!